They say ignorance is bliss. And lately I’d have to agree with them…
Knowledge is both a blessing and a curse. Most days I’m thankful that God chose to open my eyes to reality. I’m thankful for the way in which I’m able to view the world and see things as they are.
But some days, I wish I was ignorant.
When I became a Christian, and I mean that point at which I really became a Christian — that fateful day after I met Jereme, and the Lord revealed Himself to me; the day I realized that even though I’d gone to church for six years, I didn’t really know who He was up to that point — it was a day of rejoicing. And I have rejoiced since.
But I’ve also shed quite a few tears.
That day, I realized I had very little in common with most of the people who had called themselves my friends. And as I shared my testimony, I think they realized it too. I watched as their eyes turned to glass and they looked right through me as though I was no longer human. The look on their faces spoke volumes. It was clear they thought I had completely lost my mind and should be committed to a mental institution.
Sometimes I still wonder if they were right.
God has opened my eyes to a lot. And I’ve become very passionate about sharing the knowledge I’ve acquired over the years. But nearly every time I start to open my mouth, something in me says “be quiet.”
At first I thought, “there’s no way that could be God. Why would He not want me to share this?”
And then I remember the times Jesus did something — performed some miracle — and told his disciples to keep quiet about it.
I often struggle with the urge to open my mouth and the little voice inside my head that tells me to keep it shut. I get depressed when I think of friends and family members who mean the world to me, because no matter how hard I try, I just can’t connect with them on an emotional and spiritual level. It feels like we have nothing in common. When we get together and try to make conversation, it goes something like this:
So, how’s the weather…?
Pretty good… how ’bout them Panthers?
Are you kidding me? There’s so much shit going on in the world. So many meaningful, important things worth talking about and wrestling with. Yet everyone seems content to remain in their own little bubble. Until Facebook presents us with a trivial article about a dress, and we throw ourselves into an endless debate…
Hmm… Is it blue and black or white and gold?
Seriously?!? Who gives a shit???!!!
There are Christians on the other side of the world who are being beheaded for their beliefs.
Teenagers are being shot to death for no apparent reason by police officers on a power trip.
Basic freedoms are being swiped right out from under us every day.
We have a war on drugs that does nothing but increase rates of addiction and incarceration.
Internet censorship is set to stifle the spread of valuable information in an effort to control the masses.
We have a nationwide health crisis.
People all over the U.S. are dying every day from heart disease and obesity. Suffering endlessly from chronic illness and autoimmune conditions. Yet doctors are hailed as mighty saviors who know everything just because they went to school for 8 years. And when 100 kids in Disneyland get a non-fatal case of what used to be considered a normal childhood illness, we want to start a war against mothers who decide not to inject their babies with aluminum, mercury and formaldehyde for the cause of “herd immunity?”
WTF IS GOING ON, PEOPLE???
Tonight, I write out of sheer frustration over the fact that so many humans in this world are living and dying in complete ignorance. We have turned away from the God who created us and even go so far as to blame him for the sinful nature we brought upon ourselves.
And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. — Genesis 6:6
He could have started all over. He could have wiped us all completely from the face of the earth. Yet he chose to send a Savior to redeem us instead.
That’s such an incredibly humbling realization. And yet I’m still incredibly frustrated — angry, even — at the state of humanity…
Such ungrateful hearts.
Such deceitful minds.
Such faithless ignorance.
We don’t even know we’re naked anymore.
God, grant me grace and peace as I attempt to rest my head.