Confession: An Original Song

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Not to be confused with Usher’s 4th studio album (though I’m secretly hoping my video comes up next to his in YouTube…)

Perhaps I should start from the beginning.

It’s funny how life works out. (Funny is probably the wrong word, but I can’t think of a better one right now.)

A young man who will always be near and dear to my heart is getting married this weekend. His name is Adam, and we dated off and on for about a year and half when I was in college. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t bring up an ex boyfriend like this, but he’s pretty special, and I’m so happy that the Lord gave him the woman he’s about to marry.

We met when I worked at Harper’s Restaurant. Throughout the course of our relationship, he and my brother-in-law, Al, became best friends. My sister and her family are actually in L.A. this weekend for the wedding. (That’s where he lives now.) He was brought to my mind again when I saw some pictures in Al’s Instagram feed of the 70-degree weather. (Jealous!)

Our relationship was really unhealthy, and I take full responsibility for that. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, and I did many things when we were together that I wished I could take back later. But now, I look back on it all, and I’m grateful.

The Lord revealed a lot to me through that whole situation and through my relationship with Jereme, who became my husband several years later. I remember realizing, after I broke up with Adam,  how much of a mess I was and how in need of a savior I was. I remember telling God that if He wanted Jereme and I to stay together and not end up like my past relationships, He was going to have to take drastic measures.

And He did. He revealed himself to me at a moment when I least expected it and wasn’t even looking for Him. Since then, He has blessed me with a life I couldn’t have even imagined. I’m with the man of my dreams, and we’re expecting a baby in April of 2014. Lord knows I didn’t do a thing to deserve any of it, but as Adam always used to tell me, “It’s not about what we deserve.”

I didn’t understand that statement at the time, but I get it now. God doesn’t give us what we deserve. He gives us what we need. And Jereme is just that. He’s the person the Lord saw fit to put me with, and I honestly couldn’t be happier.

I wrote this song in 2009, after Adam had moved to L.A. and Jereme and I were dating. My relationship with Adam inspired it, and I wrote it as a confession to him and to the Lord of what a mess I was. I’m not as close to it now as I was then, but I still sing it from time to time, and instead of feeling the pain I once felt while the melody soars from my lungs, I now feel peace.

Thank you Lord for bringing these two men into my life and using them both in different ways to show me what your love looks like.

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